God
Family
Friends
Self
Why am I last?
Because I have been taught not to be first. And, I understand that. It’s just that when I’m last, I have nothing left for me…I’m spilled out…empty…depleted…
Then, I start the pattern all over again and spend all of my time with God whining, crying, imploring.
What’s wrong with this picture? I know what’s wrong…it’s out of order.
God
Self
Family
Friends
Work
That order works better for me…not “for me” in the selfish sense, but, “for me”, in the sense that if I take care of myself before trying to meet everyone else’s needs first, then I’m a better servant. All it requires is a little quiet time alone with God, some serious paper planning, followed through by action. Then, I’m ready to meet the world around me.
I look for my “Tuscany” experiences everywhere. A five-minute stop by the road to reflect on the wildflowers that I so dearly love to see. Which leads to memories of the Hill Country and mom’s love of color and dad’s love of living free, which leads to watching birds and remembering how much mom loved them and they loved her - it truly was an amazing thing to see - how the birds came around her with no fear - how she talked to them fully trusting that they knew her intent. I inherited that love for them. It’s the only type of pet that suits me. They are free to come & go and talk to me if they wish. They bring me much joy. They drown out the ‘white noise’ around me…sigh…all this cool wonderful breeze before summer hits and the neighbors are running their air conditioners non-stop. What a pity at the wonder they are missing, the money they are expending for electricity…not to mention the waste. Not being judgemental, just reflecting…I wonder why people are so afraid of facing the elements head on?
This is me…taking care of myself. Writing. Reflecting. Rambling.
Okay..on to Priorities:
Important tasks for June:
—> resolve my internet needs by May 31 (include a new cell phone and minute plan if possible)
—> complete the blessed resume process again
—> resolve the job hunt challenge
There are other priorities such as family, grandchildren, friends but those are commitments I make weekly…I just needed to get the big ticket items out on paper and develop some way to keep myself focused on the ‘musts’ of this life!
I had a dream last night. A vivid dream. I woke up with this thought playing over & over in my head…”A little child shall lead them” … It was an appropriate line based on the facts in the dream which I won’t go into. Suffice it to say, at the least, it was a nice segue into morning prayers for myself, my family. I love waking up that way. It gives me hope that in the messed up personage I inhabit in this journey, I have small windows of hope that I am forever connected, even in sleep, to my Creator who loves me and ever draws me to His presence. I don’t ever want to live outside His presence. My security and sense of propriety rests in His love for me. I don’t understand His love for me. It is beyond me. But, I know I want it, need it, hunger for it. And, I am glad of heart when I am reminded that it, His love, is mine to have. It’s the only thing this life offers that is concrete…His love and the love that extends between family and friends.
Off to exercise so as not to be stiff and then to work!
gracy2