Connections … The Sequel

So, I left off this story this morning when I FINALLY felt my body ceasing its war against sleep and I quickly abandoned my task, jumped into bed and slept not totally sound but, at least, w/out tossing and turning for two and a half solid hours!  Yay!  Someone called and woke me up…to tell me that they will call me back tonight w/out asking if I would be home…okay.  Then, I got up and woke myself up because I want to go to water aerobics today.  But first, a treat, Claire Bug is coming to visit — woohoo!  When she arrives, I announced we might go for a walk…she’s excited…but, first she has to see Bear Snores On…She has ink markings all over her legs and arms and tells me she is now a “striped dog…hahahahahhaa!”

Okay, so the story.  In the afternoon at work same day (the little man story day), I waited on another customer, a young woman, who purchased several reference type books.  I made a comment about one of them because it is a book that I keep picking up when I’m cleaning or stocking that aisle.  It intrigues me.  Not many things of research value intrigue me…you know..the real research…the ones w/out pictures (!).  But, this one is very interesting.  She begins to tell me about it and I am thinking I should buy it one day or at least check to see if the library has it.  Then, I forget that I don’t really want to be connected to people and their scenarios, and, without thinking first, I mention out loud that this sounds like a great book for my morning customer.  She immediately jumps into that conversation with me (she, not knowing that I wasn’t really wanting a conversation wtih anyone about it) and drags me over to the reference isle to not only show me the book, instruct me on how to use it, but, then, turns around and hands me a $20 bill and wants me to hold the money to give to the little man when and if he ever comes back in so he can buy this wonderful book for himself!  Okay, it is a truly nice gesture.  It is such a generous act on her part.  But, I don’t want to be responsible for her money.  I don’t know if he is coming back or not.  And, who knows if I’ll even be at work when he comes.  All these thoughts are rushing through my head and I’m also in dismay at myself because the real problem for me is I’m putting the brakes on faster than lightening because I DON’T WANT TO BE INVOLVED…for goodness sakes …she’s now not only in my physical space but she has invaded the private part of me that wants desperately to belong to something worthwhile and, yet, screams no every time “it” gets too close!  What is wrong with me?!?

Anyway, I quickly maneuver the situation into a workable solution:  She buys the book, I give her the change, and the receipt.  I show my manager where I’ve placed the book with a note on top that it is for “little man” so that both of us know the book is not ours to sell and is paid for.  And, hopefully, when he returns, if he returns, one of us will be there to give it to him.  I secretly thank God and hope I’ll get to be the one to give it to him and see him blessed.  He has a very humble spirit.  But, why does it bother me so that I’m a part of this, that I share this with a complete stranger and that I seemed to have been drug into it just because I was working hard to be polite to someone - when inside - i just want to be left alone - but if i’m left alone - i’m sad…and lonely. 

How can I be in sales when I don’t want to let any of my customers see the real me?  And, if my casual relationships, daily relationships are like this…wow.  weird.  Maybe I’m in the wrong job, I think.  No you’re not.  You’re right where I want you.  That’s whay You keep saying I reply in thought.  Okay.  Whatever.  Then, You, have to figure it all out because I DON’T GET IT.  So, I let it all go, write it all down to look at it, and then put it out of my mind.  What is wrong with me?!?  LOL!

Time to head out for our walk.